what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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