fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
