no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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