i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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