I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
