i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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