u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize