After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
