FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
