Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
