now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
