Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
