those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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