butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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