Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
