The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dick very happy bro
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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