id be glad to
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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