He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this boner is exhausting
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
