i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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