thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
