this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
