I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
