It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
