I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
