look no pants
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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