Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
