Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
