Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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