what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
