I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
