Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
