Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
