there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
