At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
