The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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