Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just had sex on a roof
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
