Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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