rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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