Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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