This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
