SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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