Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
