There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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