I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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