i just had sex bonerless
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
