Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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