i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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