I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
