My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
