So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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