addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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