I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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