That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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