Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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