I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
