So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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