Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
