i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
