I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
