Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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