considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Acid is not a monday night drug
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
