I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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