My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
