Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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