also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm passing your future prison.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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