Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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