My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
