I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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