Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want nice things and good sex
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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