Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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