She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
