you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
