Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
