Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
