I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
a search helicopter?!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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