Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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