i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
